I need to just take a break from life. This weekend, my husband is away again for a series of exciting family sporting events. My nephew's football team will be playing their championship game today. If they win, they go to the SuperBowl and will play here in Syracuse at the Carrier Dome. Very exciting. This was the 2nd weekend I could not go to the Albany area with them. I have to volunteer for my music department as they are hosting a festival this weekend. I worked late yesterday and have to work today. I would like to hang out with my friends today too so I want to go, but I am not feeling very well. I skipped my usual crack of dawn Saturday workout and let my body sleep instead. Again, I am sad and wish I could be with my family today. It sucks I had to volunteer and could not make it for this family event. Also, we didn't plan in our budget to kennel the dogs so I really don't have much choice. I don't have the energy to drive to Albany anyway, and since I'm sick I don't want to bunk in with my parents either.
Tomorrow Luigi will be home late and I will feel better. I am getting to that point in this relationship where I need him more and more. I know it sounds really foolish, but when I got engaged and married again I still didn't fully believe or trust that things would work out. Now I am sad when he is not here and there is life in our household. It makes me sad to think I would ever be without him and that I would want to be alone and independent. I wish there was a house full of noise and activity instead of an occasional dog barking or sound of the TV or radio. It makes me see this empty house even more clearly. I know it is just this weekend, but still. I've been feeling so reflective lately. Usually I am jumping up for joy to have time alone. Now that I've had time to reflect on myself and calm down to nothing, I realize so many things. Isn't it funny how we are all in a rush and busy ourselves with stupid things. I am enjoying slowing down and appreciating all that life has to offer.
Right now I am trying not to cry as I am missing my 14 yr old niece's swim meet and then my 17 year old nephew's football game. And tomorrow is another lacrosse game in MA. I wish I could be there to sit with my mother in law too. Probably good that I am sick and won't be around her since she has her 2nd round of chemo this week, but still.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Lonely
I had an emotional weekend alone. Husband went to Boston for the weekend for a traveling lacrosse game. I did not plan to go because of the dogs. We could not afford to board them, plus with one having some medical problems I decided it would be better to stay home. Also, if I went we would have to get two hotel rooms and that was not financially possible since we were basically sponsoring this trip. If I did not go, they could all bunk in together.
Boston is only about 2.5 hours from my parents and the inlaws near Albany. Boston is about 5 hours from here. Luigi and I have been to Boston about four times. Each time was a special "getaway" weekend and very romantic. The first time we drove around Boston which was a royal mistake. We spent the whole time stressed out. But we saw all of the usual places but spent more time getting lost. I think I have a blurry photo of Cheers but that was all I could say.
The second time we parked and rode the train into the center of town. We walked all over the place. Husband was on some sort of hockey mecca. He just had to see the arena where the Bruins play even though he is a huge NY Rangers fan. Well, that time we ended up walking so much I had to throw away my strappy sandals I was wearing. For some reason, I thought I'd be all cute in a skirt, all trendy I was! Then when we were sitting on a stone bench in Boston Commons and a bird actually crapped on me. One my new shirt! And of course I did not have something to change into so I had to go into the public bathroom (READ: NASTY) and take my shirt off and wash it in the sink. Well that was the reason no one was sitting on those benches in the first place! Duh.
I also ended up getting blisters so bad. The arena was closed off completely for the Democratic National Convention, so husband was royally pissed off that there was no way we could go. Plus we walked all the way there! We did end up finding a wonderful camping store where I bought my first pair of Teva sandals and they felt amazing! I talked to a guy named Bazil about hiking the Appalachian Trail. He must've thought I was nuts in my cute outfit. I certainly didn't look the hiker/outdoorsy type.
On another trip, we rode the train in again. This trip was around our anniversary and he later surprised me with an Edwin McCain concert in a nearby suburb. It was romantic and after the show we met Edwin and everything. Unreal. There were also special shopping excursions to Container Store and IKEA, which we do not have around here at all.
The last time, we took my parents. My dad even skipped church choir and his adult ed German class!! (My dad is retired with several advanced degrees. He takes anything and everything offered at a local university) We had a marvelous time with them as well. We even went to a pub and had a beer, unheard of in our family!!
So this time I stayed home. I did end up having a friend come over. She is an old friend from high school who lives in Wyoming. This visit was wonderful and long overdue. I'll probably save it for another post but oh well. Last night my friends drove through Syracuse on their way home to Buffalo and stopped for a late dinner- an unexpected treat as well! But overall, I was feeling sad and lonely this weekend.
Husband is home now but watching the Yankees of course. We made chili and snuggled with our dogs. It's good to be missed.
Boston is only about 2.5 hours from my parents and the inlaws near Albany. Boston is about 5 hours from here. Luigi and I have been to Boston about four times. Each time was a special "getaway" weekend and very romantic. The first time we drove around Boston which was a royal mistake. We spent the whole time stressed out. But we saw all of the usual places but spent more time getting lost. I think I have a blurry photo of Cheers but that was all I could say.
The second time we parked and rode the train into the center of town. We walked all over the place. Husband was on some sort of hockey mecca. He just had to see the arena where the Bruins play even though he is a huge NY Rangers fan. Well, that time we ended up walking so much I had to throw away my strappy sandals I was wearing. For some reason, I thought I'd be all cute in a skirt, all trendy I was! Then when we were sitting on a stone bench in Boston Commons and a bird actually crapped on me. One my new shirt! And of course I did not have something to change into so I had to go into the public bathroom (READ: NASTY) and take my shirt off and wash it in the sink. Well that was the reason no one was sitting on those benches in the first place! Duh.
I also ended up getting blisters so bad. The arena was closed off completely for the Democratic National Convention, so husband was royally pissed off that there was no way we could go. Plus we walked all the way there! We did end up finding a wonderful camping store where I bought my first pair of Teva sandals and they felt amazing! I talked to a guy named Bazil about hiking the Appalachian Trail. He must've thought I was nuts in my cute outfit. I certainly didn't look the hiker/outdoorsy type.
On another trip, we rode the train in again. This trip was around our anniversary and he later surprised me with an Edwin McCain concert in a nearby suburb. It was romantic and after the show we met Edwin and everything. Unreal. There were also special shopping excursions to Container Store and IKEA, which we do not have around here at all.
The last time, we took my parents. My dad even skipped church choir and his adult ed German class!! (My dad is retired with several advanced degrees. He takes anything and everything offered at a local university) We had a marvelous time with them as well. We even went to a pub and had a beer, unheard of in our family!!
So this time I stayed home. I did end up having a friend come over. She is an old friend from high school who lives in Wyoming. This visit was wonderful and long overdue. I'll probably save it for another post but oh well. Last night my friends drove through Syracuse on their way home to Buffalo and stopped for a late dinner- an unexpected treat as well! But overall, I was feeling sad and lonely this weekend.
Husband is home now but watching the Yankees of course. We made chili and snuggled with our dogs. It's good to be missed.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
What Matters Most
A close friend has asked me to get with the program. Meaning IVF. I guess it's time to get started. One big problem I am having is getting my husband to get the ball rolling. There are more problems that I am really allowed to talk about, so let's just say that medical intervention is needed in order for us to get pregnant. We've just tried the regular way and it has not happened. The tests must have been right all along.
Another problem I am having is that I am starting to feel slightly depressed. I have had depression before but it was because I was in a horrendously stressed environment with a psychopath. (At the time I went to "marriage" counseling separately-we never did go together to be honest. The counselor looked at me one day and said, do you really think you need to go together??) It took me a long time to get help and get out of that situation. I also believe in medication when necessary. I do not think that is necessary at this point, but talking to someone would help me/us. I mean, close friends are awesome but this is beyond private. I stay in touch with people. I am not slithering away. I am just feeling helpless about infertility and it's hard to talk to people sometimes about it. There is a specialized counselor associated with the fertility clinic that can help me and there are support groups. I don't really want to be part of a support group, they sound so depressing. I guess in some ways, we are still stuck.
In a nutshell, some things are good and others not so much. I'll give you the highs and lows.
LOWS:
*My mother in law has breast cancer. She had a lumpectomy and they thought everything looked good, then the tests came back bad. Chemo and radiation. Then they changed it to masectomy and reconstruction, then chemo. She just started this week.
*We're really broke. For the first time in my happily married life, we have a balance on our credit cards. If we behave for the next few months, we'll be fine but still. I feel trapped and powerless to money and I hate it. I have groceries and I have a home. Just feeling like my safety net isn't so safe anymore. Some of our summer expenses caught up with us. Unexpected bills for Maggie and a necessary car purchase. We didn't get crazy or anything. We even went on a free vacation and used all our gift cards. We just weren't paying careful attention.
*A family relative has started slipping into trouble again with money. And has asked for help again. It's a slippery slope. This time it was for auto insurance. If we didn't help, they'd lose their insurance and then his driver's license would be suspended. The one car is the means for two adults to get to work and two teenagers to get to school and sports and...oh it breaks my heart. Last time it was the electic bill, shortly before school got out. I want to step in and be a parent and show them responsible behaviors, but I cannot. And it comes at such a bad time for us too. And then again...who are we to be giving such advice. I am not perfect and I do not claim to be. But one big difference is that I do not buy anything if I cannot afford it.
So you could say, before we were living high on the hog. Now it's all about what matters most. Family and each other.
HIGHS:
*The good things are that my husband has lost well over 100 lbs now. He was asked to speak at the gym about his weight loss efforts. It was so amazing to hear him tell his story, heartbreaking story of always being heavy. He was fat since he was a child, then his parent's painful divorce and his mother abandoning him. Not good. But there were people there that applauded him. The other two people on the panel had surgery. They both had complications. One really big girl in the audience raised her hand and said that my husband motivated her to keep going- she has seen him working out, in the pool, on the treadmill, weight classes, kickboxing, etc. It was earth moving, really. He's broken some more personal records now too.
He's currently taking a 8 weeks beginner spin class even! He never wanted to get on a bike before, probablu since his childhhod. He has also gotten to the point where he can weight himself at the gym. Most people don't realize this, but if you weight over 400 lbs you cannot weight yourself at home. This is why some obese people dont' see a few pounds creep up on them like many average people with a bathroom scale see. At some point, they don't care.
*On another fitness note, I ran and completed my first 5K! I actually ran one in June but I could not run it all so I got very upset with myself and felt defeated. I have been working very hard on the running and in the gym in general. I feel really good that I accomplished something. I did not walk more than a few feet to catch my breath. it was a cold sunny day and I wore my long sleeve t=shirt and shorts. When I got out of the car, I was freezing but I knew I would heat up quickly! I also improved my time by 18 minutes from June. Of course, that June day was hot and humid and I was unable to run the whole thing for two reasons: the heat index and the crowdedness of the race. I am used to running after the sun sets but before dark when the summer heat had cooled off. I also am used to running alone. I have never run with anyone else, let alone 7000 people.
I have really learned something. It is my race, no one else's. I have gotten over the fact that I am a big big girl and I am running. Who cares if I am a plus sized girl. I am often paranoid people are staring at me. I mean I am a big girl but I am not humongous. I got the "girls" under a superpower sports bra and I am ready to go. I was near the end but not dead last and I did not even care. the run was cold and sunny and through some beautiful woods around a small lake. When I came out of the woods, there was no one else running ahead of me. People cheered and a college friend Amy and her husband Matt yelled my name. (They are also childless and struggled with infertility) I wish my husband was there to see it, but he was walking behind me. It was also his first 5K but he had planned to walk the whole thing.
So yes, it changed my life so to speak. I feel like a different person now.
I am actually toying with the idea of the irongirl next summer. I am a strong swimmer and biker. Just the running. So we'll see where we go from here.
Another problem I am having is that I am starting to feel slightly depressed. I have had depression before but it was because I was in a horrendously stressed environment with a psychopath. (At the time I went to "marriage" counseling separately-we never did go together to be honest. The counselor looked at me one day and said, do you really think you need to go together??) It took me a long time to get help and get out of that situation. I also believe in medication when necessary. I do not think that is necessary at this point, but talking to someone would help me/us. I mean, close friends are awesome but this is beyond private. I stay in touch with people. I am not slithering away. I am just feeling helpless about infertility and it's hard to talk to people sometimes about it. There is a specialized counselor associated with the fertility clinic that can help me and there are support groups. I don't really want to be part of a support group, they sound so depressing. I guess in some ways, we are still stuck.
In a nutshell, some things are good and others not so much. I'll give you the highs and lows.
LOWS:
*My mother in law has breast cancer. She had a lumpectomy and they thought everything looked good, then the tests came back bad. Chemo and radiation. Then they changed it to masectomy and reconstruction, then chemo. She just started this week.
*We're really broke. For the first time in my happily married life, we have a balance on our credit cards. If we behave for the next few months, we'll be fine but still. I feel trapped and powerless to money and I hate it. I have groceries and I have a home. Just feeling like my safety net isn't so safe anymore. Some of our summer expenses caught up with us. Unexpected bills for Maggie and a necessary car purchase. We didn't get crazy or anything. We even went on a free vacation and used all our gift cards. We just weren't paying careful attention.
*A family relative has started slipping into trouble again with money. And has asked for help again. It's a slippery slope. This time it was for auto insurance. If we didn't help, they'd lose their insurance and then his driver's license would be suspended. The one car is the means for two adults to get to work and two teenagers to get to school and sports and...oh it breaks my heart. Last time it was the electic bill, shortly before school got out. I want to step in and be a parent and show them responsible behaviors, but I cannot. And it comes at such a bad time for us too. And then again...who are we to be giving such advice. I am not perfect and I do not claim to be. But one big difference is that I do not buy anything if I cannot afford it.
So you could say, before we were living high on the hog. Now it's all about what matters most. Family and each other.
HIGHS:
*The good things are that my husband has lost well over 100 lbs now. He was asked to speak at the gym about his weight loss efforts. It was so amazing to hear him tell his story, heartbreaking story of always being heavy. He was fat since he was a child, then his parent's painful divorce and his mother abandoning him. Not good. But there were people there that applauded him. The other two people on the panel had surgery. They both had complications. One really big girl in the audience raised her hand and said that my husband motivated her to keep going- she has seen him working out, in the pool, on the treadmill, weight classes, kickboxing, etc. It was earth moving, really. He's broken some more personal records now too.
He's currently taking a 8 weeks beginner spin class even! He never wanted to get on a bike before, probablu since his childhhod. He has also gotten to the point where he can weight himself at the gym. Most people don't realize this, but if you weight over 400 lbs you cannot weight yourself at home. This is why some obese people dont' see a few pounds creep up on them like many average people with a bathroom scale see. At some point, they don't care.
*On another fitness note, I ran and completed my first 5K! I actually ran one in June but I could not run it all so I got very upset with myself and felt defeated. I have been working very hard on the running and in the gym in general. I feel really good that I accomplished something. I did not walk more than a few feet to catch my breath. it was a cold sunny day and I wore my long sleeve t=shirt and shorts. When I got out of the car, I was freezing but I knew I would heat up quickly! I also improved my time by 18 minutes from June. Of course, that June day was hot and humid and I was unable to run the whole thing for two reasons: the heat index and the crowdedness of the race. I am used to running after the sun sets but before dark when the summer heat had cooled off. I also am used to running alone. I have never run with anyone else, let alone 7000 people.
I have really learned something. It is my race, no one else's. I have gotten over the fact that I am a big big girl and I am running. Who cares if I am a plus sized girl. I am often paranoid people are staring at me. I mean I am a big girl but I am not humongous. I got the "girls" under a superpower sports bra and I am ready to go. I was near the end but not dead last and I did not even care. the run was cold and sunny and through some beautiful woods around a small lake. When I came out of the woods, there was no one else running ahead of me. People cheered and a college friend Amy and her husband Matt yelled my name. (They are also childless and struggled with infertility) I wish my husband was there to see it, but he was walking behind me. It was also his first 5K but he had planned to walk the whole thing.
So yes, it changed my life so to speak. I feel like a different person now.
I am actually toying with the idea of the irongirl next summer. I am a strong swimmer and biker. Just the running. So we'll see where we go from here.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Rainy Day
Luigi has to work late day today so we got to sleep in. He has an occasional late day because they fired most of the East Coast guys who do business later into the day. So we got to sleep in except for all this noise. They are paving the streets in our cute little neighborhood this month. They have completed our street which is nice except now they park all the big equipment on our street, right in front of our house. We are around a bend so it makes a nice place to park out of the way, right? So at 7am they started unloading and unchaining the equipment and then fired those trucks up. We finally turned off the A/C last night because it was nice and cool out, so our windows are all wide open. Lovely.
I have been cleaning and sorting through the whole house. We decided not to have a yard sale this year. I was secretly relieved as I found a good place to donate things. I usually freecycle things when I want to give them away but lately I found it to be the same creepy people who want my old stuff. I found this church basement sale that is only open on Thursdays. I already loaded up the car for tomorrow. There is a little door next to the street where you can give the man your donations. They open a little basement window and then you slide your boxes down there. The sweet elderly man waves and says thank you. It makes me feel good to donate to a church even though I do not belong to that church. They are always appreciative. Then I usually go inside and go shopping. For the last few weeks they have had plant clippings. I was so excited the 2nd week when I realized they keep doing putting more plant babies out for sale. They have tons of clothing and books. They also have nice dishware and things like that. I have been very selective in the past year or so what I buy, but it is soooo cheap and always good quality stuff. If I had kids, they would be very well dressed from this sale. I see all the mommies with their carts piled high with kids toys and clothing. They also have a soup kitchen/pantry their as well. All in all, it makes my day to contribute and give to this location. Many of the other thrift stores in the area have been so picky.
Not much on the schedule for today other than cleaning and relaxing. I have been watching all these stupid shows on TV lately. I am sucker for any home makeover shows and also most shows on Bravo or TLC. I was so so excited about the new season of Flipping Out with Jeff Lewis. Love him. Very hysterical. Also love watching the home renovations and his quirky personality. I also love the Rachel Zoe project. Love the fashion and couture dresses and all the celebrity red carpet stuff. I am a sucker for anything vintage as well. Besides these brainless shows I have been organizing my new office and my sewing rooms. I have not done anything creative in months, seriously ages. I would like to get cooking on some projects before school starts!
Tonight going over to hang with friends. My friend has a wedding photography business and needs to get work done in his photo lab. His wife just had shoulder surgery right after back surgery so she is home but unable to help with the kids that much. I figured we'd get a pizza and hang out while he gets work done. They have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. Very much fun.
I have been cleaning and sorting through the whole house. We decided not to have a yard sale this year. I was secretly relieved as I found a good place to donate things. I usually freecycle things when I want to give them away but lately I found it to be the same creepy people who want my old stuff. I found this church basement sale that is only open on Thursdays. I already loaded up the car for tomorrow. There is a little door next to the street where you can give the man your donations. They open a little basement window and then you slide your boxes down there. The sweet elderly man waves and says thank you. It makes me feel good to donate to a church even though I do not belong to that church. They are always appreciative. Then I usually go inside and go shopping. For the last few weeks they have had plant clippings. I was so excited the 2nd week when I realized they keep doing putting more plant babies out for sale. They have tons of clothing and books. They also have nice dishware and things like that. I have been very selective in the past year or so what I buy, but it is soooo cheap and always good quality stuff. If I had kids, they would be very well dressed from this sale. I see all the mommies with their carts piled high with kids toys and clothing. They also have a soup kitchen/pantry their as well. All in all, it makes my day to contribute and give to this location. Many of the other thrift stores in the area have been so picky.
Not much on the schedule for today other than cleaning and relaxing. I have been watching all these stupid shows on TV lately. I am sucker for any home makeover shows and also most shows on Bravo or TLC. I was so so excited about the new season of Flipping Out with Jeff Lewis. Love him. Very hysterical. Also love watching the home renovations and his quirky personality. I also love the Rachel Zoe project. Love the fashion and couture dresses and all the celebrity red carpet stuff. I am a sucker for anything vintage as well. Besides these brainless shows I have been organizing my new office and my sewing rooms. I have not done anything creative in months, seriously ages. I would like to get cooking on some projects before school starts!
Tonight going over to hang with friends. My friend has a wedding photography business and needs to get work done in his photo lab. His wife just had shoulder surgery right after back surgery so she is home but unable to help with the kids that much. I figured we'd get a pizza and hang out while he gets work done. They have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. Very much fun.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
How the World Changes in Just One Day
Well, I did not mention this in my past post because it was too long to write about before lunch.
We went to GA for vacation. We had planned to meet my mother in law and her companion at their time share in the mountains of north Georgia for a little less than a week. We had driven from NY for a day and a half and we were hot and hungry and exhausted. We arrived around dinner time so we went out for a nice dinner with my mother in law and her companion. They have been together for 13 years now and are a cute older couple. (FYI: Luigi's parent divorced when he was a boy, his mother basically abandoned the dad and two little boys at the time and resurfaced when they were in college. His father died about 9 years ago, but my husband was estranged from him at the time as well. So we have issues, just a few)
Anyway, my mother in law and her man like to travel and she just retired last spring. She is a good mother in law to me. We get along very well to be exact. There is much drama in this big family, but to be honest I stay out of it. There's so much history and not all of it is good. She can be difficult and demanding at times.
When we got in the car, Luigi got a call from his brother. So we put him on speaker phone. The brother and mother are not on good speaking terms for a variety of reasons. She announced out of the blue that she has breast cancer. She found a lump and she has a lumpectomy and radiation schedule for this month. It was a horrible day and I will never forget the feeling I had. That was a very short conversation. They got off the phone and I could tell everyone was upset but no one really expressed any emotion. I thought I was going to lose my mind.
It's so weird but no one is talking about it at all for most of our vacation. I had a few conversations with her about things to try and make her feel better. I know she is upset and maybe she just didn't want to spoil the vacation or ruin her mood. She had breast cancer about 13 years ago before my husband and I started dating. She had a lumpectomy then and has had basically no problems until now. She recently found a lump and she had a MRI and they discovered the problem. I know the medical technology has improved so much in the past decade so we are hopeful. She had another round of tests and they determined that it is not in her lymph nodes nor her pancreas which is good. The Dr. says they know much more than they did back in the day.
But, still. Oh how my heart breaks. More for the lack of communication between the family members during this crisis. Who knows. Maybe things will improve because of this.
We went to GA for vacation. We had planned to meet my mother in law and her companion at their time share in the mountains of north Georgia for a little less than a week. We had driven from NY for a day and a half and we were hot and hungry and exhausted. We arrived around dinner time so we went out for a nice dinner with my mother in law and her companion. They have been together for 13 years now and are a cute older couple. (FYI: Luigi's parent divorced when he was a boy, his mother basically abandoned the dad and two little boys at the time and resurfaced when they were in college. His father died about 9 years ago, but my husband was estranged from him at the time as well. So we have issues, just a few)
Anyway, my mother in law and her man like to travel and she just retired last spring. She is a good mother in law to me. We get along very well to be exact. There is much drama in this big family, but to be honest I stay out of it. There's so much history and not all of it is good. She can be difficult and demanding at times.
When we got in the car, Luigi got a call from his brother. So we put him on speaker phone. The brother and mother are not on good speaking terms for a variety of reasons. She announced out of the blue that she has breast cancer. She found a lump and she has a lumpectomy and radiation schedule for this month. It was a horrible day and I will never forget the feeling I had. That was a very short conversation. They got off the phone and I could tell everyone was upset but no one really expressed any emotion. I thought I was going to lose my mind.
It's so weird but no one is talking about it at all for most of our vacation. I had a few conversations with her about things to try and make her feel better. I know she is upset and maybe she just didn't want to spoil the vacation or ruin her mood. She had breast cancer about 13 years ago before my husband and I started dating. She had a lumpectomy then and has had basically no problems until now. She recently found a lump and she had a MRI and they discovered the problem. I know the medical technology has improved so much in the past decade so we are hopeful. She had another round of tests and they determined that it is not in her lymph nodes nor her pancreas which is good. The Dr. says they know much more than they did back in the day.
But, still. Oh how my heart breaks. More for the lack of communication between the family members during this crisis. Who knows. Maybe things will improve because of this.
Long Lost Me
For any of you out there who read this blog, I guess you know I've been a little lost. In a few ways.
Went to string camp. Had a great week. Two more of my friends joined us this year. It was a good time overall, lots of amazing music and inspiration. It felt like being in college all over again really- that feeling of being in a bubble. The magic of music school all over again- long rehearsals, practice rooms, the lockers, the dorms, new friends. Only this time you do not have homework at night and can relax and talk to people in the lounge. It was an amazing week of teaching and meeting talented students. I had a major breakthrough in my teaching that I never thought I would accomplish. I had a wonderful time meeting new people and gaining confidence. At night, after all the exhausting rehearsals we would sometimes go to Wegmans or Walmart and pick up some little thing we had forgotten. One friend forgot some toiletries, we had a hilarious trip at all hours of the first night. The next night we ran around town looking for pantyhose, deodorant, and of course, wine. My two new friends are basically fresh out of college for violin performance and music education and one is currently in grad school in WI. They both went to Aspen for the last several years and they are both so very talented. Both did their student teaching with me and my colleague in my district and are developing into amazing teachers, they just lack experience and are just starting out. They made many new connections professionally as well. Oh, I was so happy for them. I did not play the way I wanted to this year, but oh well. I decided that I either need to get better or I need to get over it. My one friend told his girlfriend he had no idea why I would be insecure as he thinks I am one of the best teachers he has ever met. No I did not pay him to say that.
Then we came home and I went to Buffalo to see my friend for a few days and help her move. She lives in the Buffalo area and has a big corporate job now. She moved from one rental house , a giant farmhouse out in the country to another smaller rental house that is more semi-permanent. They have a one year old son and an awesome chocolate lab named Gunner. We spent the days filling up our vehicles with boxes and stuff so they could move. I could not be there for the big move so I decided to go out early and help her pack. I got to spend time with their one year old little boy who is so much fun. We went to the spa on day 3, after the 11th and final trip to the new house, and got pedicures. We sat on the deck of this beautiful spa in the sun and let my hair dry naturally as our toes sparkled. We had tea, good conversation, and truly relaxed. The spa overlooks the Niagara River and is GORGEOUS. The other side of the river is Canada. So lucky to have a friend like her. We had a big heart to heart and she set me in the right direction. She promised if I have triplets she will move to Syracuse and help me. She is saving all her baby stuff for me. I am so humbled to have a friend like her. She is the only person in my life who has pressed me for answers about the infertility problem. Anyway. Hopefully I will have news on that front for you very soon.
I came back to a miserable and grumpy husband after being away so much and unable to talk to him every night. At least we made some homemade salsa and other healthy goodies to bring home to him. He is struggling with his job right now. Let's just say that it is a catch 22 right now. He is making extremely good money right now, in sales and in this economy. He is well respected in his company and a leader on his team. But he hates his job. He hates the monotony of it. He likens his job to that movie "The Office", which is one of our many favorite movies. He quotes the movie all the time about having all those bosses. And in this economy, he knows he should stay put for a little while longer. I have encouraged him to go back for his master's degree at night and at least get a better idea of what is out there. There is a nationally recognized sports management program in a large local university that he would be an idiot to not at least go for it. But the day to day is hard for him right now. It is his slow season as well.
But mostly he was miserable to live without me for a week or so. I also struggled to live in a dorm again. I did not enjoy having to go out of my room to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. And yo, let's not even discuss shared bathrooms in general. I had to put on a shiny face every morning as this lovely guest artist from Germany greeted me naked basically every morning over the sink while brushing her teeth. Next year I am going to try to get a coffee pot for my room so I can at least be chipper at 6am. I also struggled with the dorm room thing. My bed was fine for a change but my room was DARK. It overlooked these dark woods. I had to get a night light because I was so afraid! And of course it was the hottest week of the summer and there is no air conditioning in these places as well. Did I mention I was on the 3rd floor and there was no elevator. Well, all in all it was a wonderful week but I was definitely glad to be home.
*drat* just took out the garbage and got stung by a bee*darnit*
Ok, more later. I have more good and bad to tell you but I cannot write more now as I have to go hit the shower to go out to lunch with Luigi. Yay! for a few more weeks of vacation and lunch dates with my husband!
Went to string camp. Had a great week. Two more of my friends joined us this year. It was a good time overall, lots of amazing music and inspiration. It felt like being in college all over again really- that feeling of being in a bubble. The magic of music school all over again- long rehearsals, practice rooms, the lockers, the dorms, new friends. Only this time you do not have homework at night and can relax and talk to people in the lounge. It was an amazing week of teaching and meeting talented students. I had a major breakthrough in my teaching that I never thought I would accomplish. I had a wonderful time meeting new people and gaining confidence. At night, after all the exhausting rehearsals we would sometimes go to Wegmans or Walmart and pick up some little thing we had forgotten. One friend forgot some toiletries, we had a hilarious trip at all hours of the first night. The next night we ran around town looking for pantyhose, deodorant, and of course, wine. My two new friends are basically fresh out of college for violin performance and music education and one is currently in grad school in WI. They both went to Aspen for the last several years and they are both so very talented. Both did their student teaching with me and my colleague in my district and are developing into amazing teachers, they just lack experience and are just starting out. They made many new connections professionally as well. Oh, I was so happy for them. I did not play the way I wanted to this year, but oh well. I decided that I either need to get better or I need to get over it. My one friend told his girlfriend he had no idea why I would be insecure as he thinks I am one of the best teachers he has ever met. No I did not pay him to say that.
Then we came home and I went to Buffalo to see my friend for a few days and help her move. She lives in the Buffalo area and has a big corporate job now. She moved from one rental house , a giant farmhouse out in the country to another smaller rental house that is more semi-permanent. They have a one year old son and an awesome chocolate lab named Gunner. We spent the days filling up our vehicles with boxes and stuff so they could move. I could not be there for the big move so I decided to go out early and help her pack. I got to spend time with their one year old little boy who is so much fun. We went to the spa on day 3, after the 11th and final trip to the new house, and got pedicures. We sat on the deck of this beautiful spa in the sun and let my hair dry naturally as our toes sparkled. We had tea, good conversation, and truly relaxed. The spa overlooks the Niagara River and is GORGEOUS. The other side of the river is Canada. So lucky to have a friend like her. We had a big heart to heart and she set me in the right direction. She promised if I have triplets she will move to Syracuse and help me. She is saving all her baby stuff for me. I am so humbled to have a friend like her. She is the only person in my life who has pressed me for answers about the infertility problem. Anyway. Hopefully I will have news on that front for you very soon.
I came back to a miserable and grumpy husband after being away so much and unable to talk to him every night. At least we made some homemade salsa and other healthy goodies to bring home to him. He is struggling with his job right now. Let's just say that it is a catch 22 right now. He is making extremely good money right now, in sales and in this economy. He is well respected in his company and a leader on his team. But he hates his job. He hates the monotony of it. He likens his job to that movie "The Office", which is one of our many favorite movies. He quotes the movie all the time about having all those bosses. And in this economy, he knows he should stay put for a little while longer. I have encouraged him to go back for his master's degree at night and at least get a better idea of what is out there. There is a nationally recognized sports management program in a large local university that he would be an idiot to not at least go for it. But the day to day is hard for him right now. It is his slow season as well.
But mostly he was miserable to live without me for a week or so. I also struggled to live in a dorm again. I did not enjoy having to go out of my room to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. And yo, let's not even discuss shared bathrooms in general. I had to put on a shiny face every morning as this lovely guest artist from Germany greeted me naked basically every morning over the sink while brushing her teeth. Next year I am going to try to get a coffee pot for my room so I can at least be chipper at 6am. I also struggled with the dorm room thing. My bed was fine for a change but my room was DARK. It overlooked these dark woods. I had to get a night light because I was so afraid! And of course it was the hottest week of the summer and there is no air conditioning in these places as well. Did I mention I was on the 3rd floor and there was no elevator. Well, all in all it was a wonderful week but I was definitely glad to be home.
*drat* just took out the garbage and got stung by a bee*darnit*
Ok, more later. I have more good and bad to tell you but I cannot write more now as I have to go hit the shower to go out to lunch with Luigi. Yay! for a few more weeks of vacation and lunch dates with my husband!
Friday, June 5, 2009
Relief
My concerts are over. They hit me like a steam roller. I had 6 concerts in three weeks. One week I had 3 concerts alone, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. By Thursday, I was so exhausted and overworked that I almost passed out during the concert. Fortunately, it was not when I was up there conducting!
My competition went well as always. My one group got a superior rating and took 1st place. The fiddle group took 2nd place, but hell we compete against each other. The judges did not care for our fiddle style I guess as our scores were ridiculously low. I was upset but then many of the other directors complained as well. The judges tapes were not helpful at all. They were generous for the advanced elementary orchestra and said barely a word other than,"nice concept". Why don't you get 50 little kids from 3rd grade and up to stand on a stage and play from memory and have a good old time walking around while they play and playing sticks and improving and stuff. Why don't you teach elementary kids some basic music theory so they can improv. Huh. Well, I;m over it now but I've been upset for a week now. Fortunately, the kids did not really understand the scoring so they were cheering for their 2nd place. My kids know they compete against each other because there are not really many elementary orchestras out there. It's uncommon so that is why we usually go to these positive festivals where everyone has a great day in the park.
Well, tonight I am pissed because I told my husband he could go to happy hour. I had to rush home and take the dogs to the vet. Maggie has to have $400 more tests for her Cushing's and her thyroid. We'll have to do these tests quarterly. Poor girl. She also has a bent paw that she's had her whole life-most people say she had this cute outturned paw and all this time it is a birth defect. One good thing (not for her) is that she does not like to jump up on the bed anymore. We don't usually allow dogs on the bed but since she's been sick we let her lay at the end of the bed sometimes. She's kind of tiny and you can hardly tell she's there, plus she's like a security blanket. All of the other dogs got their nails clipped and regular stuff. Geez.
I've been slacking on the fitness. However people are still commenting on my new "body" shape. Last weekend I went shopping at the Gap for the first time in years. They only go up to size 20 which is almost big on me now. It is awesome really to be able to shop in "normal" stores and not have to go to the plus sizes. I need to get my ass in gear as my 5K is in two weeks!! I'll be back on track this weekend.
My competition went well as always. My one group got a superior rating and took 1st place. The fiddle group took 2nd place, but hell we compete against each other. The judges did not care for our fiddle style I guess as our scores were ridiculously low. I was upset but then many of the other directors complained as well. The judges tapes were not helpful at all. They were generous for the advanced elementary orchestra and said barely a word other than,"nice concept". Why don't you get 50 little kids from 3rd grade and up to stand on a stage and play from memory and have a good old time walking around while they play and playing sticks and improving and stuff. Why don't you teach elementary kids some basic music theory so they can improv. Huh. Well, I;m over it now but I've been upset for a week now. Fortunately, the kids did not really understand the scoring so they were cheering for their 2nd place. My kids know they compete against each other because there are not really many elementary orchestras out there. It's uncommon so that is why we usually go to these positive festivals where everyone has a great day in the park.
Well, tonight I am pissed because I told my husband he could go to happy hour. I had to rush home and take the dogs to the vet. Maggie has to have $400 more tests for her Cushing's and her thyroid. We'll have to do these tests quarterly. Poor girl. She also has a bent paw that she's had her whole life-most people say she had this cute outturned paw and all this time it is a birth defect. One good thing (not for her) is that she does not like to jump up on the bed anymore. We don't usually allow dogs on the bed but since she's been sick we let her lay at the end of the bed sometimes. She's kind of tiny and you can hardly tell she's there, plus she's like a security blanket. All of the other dogs got their nails clipped and regular stuff. Geez.
I've been slacking on the fitness. However people are still commenting on my new "body" shape. Last weekend I went shopping at the Gap for the first time in years. They only go up to size 20 which is almost big on me now. It is awesome really to be able to shop in "normal" stores and not have to go to the plus sizes. I need to get my ass in gear as my 5K is in two weeks!! I'll be back on track this weekend.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
